Death Records Now

some people don’t know where they are and think the comments are serious and then tell me to go f**k myself.

THE FRENCH:

Take caution if they ever enter your place.
For the French are a most unusual race.
They eat snails for supper
and never say grace,
They fight with their feet,
and f*ck with their face.

Famous Last Words
"They couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn from th…"
( A confederate general said to one of his officers as he watched the union army set their cannons up too far away. He didn’t get to finish because a union cannonball took his head off. )
I’ll get a world record for this.
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
Hey there’s no handles inside these car doors!
Gee, that’s a cute tattoo.
Here’s my Kent State student ID.
It’s fireproof.
He’s probably just hibernating.
What does this button do?
I’m making a citizen’s arrest.
Can we get a vision plan?
So, you’re a cannibal.
It’s probably just a rash.
Why am I standing on a plastic sheet?
Are you sure the power is off?
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
No, my shoes aren’t untied.
The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
What do you mean, "I’ll be back"?
Why is the rest of the Star Trek landing party wearing a different color?
Pull the pin and count to what?
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I wonder where the mother bear is.
Where did all those F#*@king indians come from?
I’ve seen this done on TV.
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.
What’s that priest doing here?
Hi O. J., I’m here to see your ex-wife
Only an idiot would ski into a tree.
Let it down slowly.
Rat poison only kills rats.
OK, I’ll go ahead and make your day.
It can’t possibly rain for forty days and nights.
I’ll get your toast out.
Give me liberty or give me death.
Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town.
The FBI just came over the ridge.
It’s strong enough for both of us.
This doesn’t taste right.
I can make this light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
I’ve done this before.
This kool-aid tastes funny.
Well we’ve made it this far.
That’s odd.
Hey that’s not a violin.
I’ll just slip into the commuter lane for a second.
I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.
You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
OK this is the last time.
Don’t be so superstitious.
Now watch this.
This planet has an atmosphere just like on earth.
That birthmark on your head looks like 999.
What duck?
apparently TMLLeaf fan doesn’t realize he has no sense of humor. And doesn’t understand warnings. Must be French
Ps there’s a thing called cut and paste

I was reminded of a lot of happenings from years ago; Kent State, Guyana & Jim Jones, that big red button somewhere that will annihilate us, Oz, FBI and Waco + Ruby Ridge, just from reading this list. Too many to name.
You are a very intelligent person.
Kudos for posting this.
Now you have triggered memories that will make me ponder for a while.

You have a nice evening/morning.

474 Things To Do When You’re Bored
– Wax the ceiling
– Rearrange political campaign signs
– Sharpen your teeth
– Play Houdini with one of your siblings
– Braid your dog’s hair
– Clean and polish your belly button
– Water your dog…see if he grows
– Wash a tree
– Knight yourself
– Name your child Edsel
– Scare Stephen King
– Give your cat a mohawk
– Purr
– Mow your carpet
– Play Pat Boone records backwards
– Vacuum your lawn
– Sleep on a bed of nails
– DON’T toss and turn
– Boil ice cream
– Run around in squares
– Think of quadruple entendres
– Speak in acronyms
– Have your pillow X-rayed
– Drink straight shots…of water
– Calmly have a nervous breakdown
– Give your goldfish a perm
– Fly a brick
– Play tag…on West 35th Street
– Exorcise a ghost
– Exercise a ghost
– Be blue
– Be red
– But don’t be orange
– Plant a shoe
– Sweat
– Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
– Turn
– Write a letter to Plato
– Mail it
– Take your sofa for a walk
– Start
– Stop
– Dial 911 and breathe heavily
– Go to a funeral…tell jokes
– Play the piano…with mittens on
– Scheme
– Sit
– Stay
– Water your family room
– Cause a power failure
– Roll over
– Play dead
– Find a witch
– Burn her
– Donate your brother’s body to science
– Ask why
– Wriggle
– Regress
– Sleepwalk without sleeping
– Try to join Hell’s Angels by mail
– Wonder
– Be a square root
– Ask stupid questions
– Weld your car doors shut
– Spew
– Vacation at Three-Mile Island
– Surf Ohio
– Teach your pet rock to play dead
– Go bowling for small game
– Be a monk…for a day
– Wear a sweatband to your wedding
– Staple
– Run away
– Intimidate a piece of chalk
– Abuse the plumbing
– Bend a florescent light
– Bend a brick
– Annoy total strangers
– Let the best man win
– Believe in Santa Claus
– Throw marshmallows against the wall
– Hold an ice cube as long as possible
– Adopt strange mannerisms
– Blow up a balloon until it pops
– Sing soft and sweet and clear
– Sing loud and sour and gravely
– Open everything
– Balance a pencil on your nose
– Pour milk in your shoes
– Write graffiti under the rug
– Embarrass yourself
– Grind your teeth
– Chew ice
– Count your belly button
– Sit in a row
– Stack crumbs
– Gesture
– Save your toenail clippings
– Make a pass at your blender
– Punt
– Make up words that start with X
– Make oatmeal in the bathtub
– Search for the Lost Chord
– Chew on a sofa cushion
– Sing a duet
– Balance a pillow on your head
– Hold your breath
– Faint
– Stretch
– Flash your mailman
– Teach your TA English
– Learn to speak Farsi
– Swear in Russian
– Use an eraser until it goes away
– Disassemble your car
– Put it together inside out
– Record your walls
– Interview your feet
– Make a list of your favorite fungi
– Sell formaldehyde
– Repeat
– Ad lib
– Fade
– File your teeth- Whine
– Rake your carpet
– Re-elect Richard Nixon
– Critique "Three’s Company"
– Listen to a painting
– Play with matches
– Buff your cat
– Race ferrets
– Paint your house…Day-Glow Orange
– Have a formal dinner at White Castle
– Read Homer in the original Greek
– Learn Greek
– Change your mind
– Change it back
– Watch the sun…see if it moves
– Build a pyramid
– Stand on your head
– Stand on someone else’s head
– Spit shine your Nikes
– See how long you can stay awake
– See how long you can sleep
– Paint your teeth
– Wear a salad
– Speak with a forked tongue
– Paint stripes on a lake
– Ski Kansas
– Sleep in freefall
– Kill a Joule
– Test thin ice…with a pogo stick
– Apply for a unicorn hunting license
– Do a good job
– Crawl
– Invite the Mansons over for dinner
– Paint your windows
– Watch a watch until it stops
– Flash your goldfish
– Paint
– Flirt with an evergreen
– Smile
– Rotate your garden…daily
– Paint a smile
– Shoot a fire hydrant
– Apologize to it
– Pretend you’re blind
– Annoy yourself
– Get mad at yourself
– Stop speaking to yourself
– Be a side effect
– Ride a bicycle…up Mt. McKinley
– Duck
– Redecorate…your garage
– Develop a complex
– Join the Army…be someone simple
– Try harder
– Hit the deck
– Put leg-warmers on your furniture
– Cut the deck
– Crumple
– Translate Shakespeare into English
– Skydive to church
– Cheer up a potato
– Do aerobic exercises…in your head
– Play cards with your swimming pool
– Pinstripe your driveway
– Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
– Harness chipmunk power
– Build a house with ice cubes
– Call London for a cab
– Mug a stop sign
– Change your name…daily
– Go for a walk in your attic
– Challenge your neighbor to a duel
– Build a house out of toothpicks
– Howl
– Wear a lampshade on your head
– Memorize the dictionary
– Stomp grapes in the bathtub
– Find a bug and chase it
– Make yourself a pair of wings
– Be immobile
– Dance ’til you drop
– Check under chairs for chewing gum
– Squish a loaf of bread
– Moo
– Bounce a potato
– Outmaneuver your shadow
– Climb the walls
– Appreciate everything
– Challenge yourself to a duel
– Make napalm
– Tattoo your dresser
– Watch a bowling ball
– Buy some diapers
– Eat everything
– Begin
– Pour milk in the sink
– Make cottage cheese
– Tie-dye your sheets
– Carpet your ceiling
– Hold your earlobes
– Fold your earlobes
– Flap
– Squawk
– Read tea leaves
– Analyze the Koran
– Be Buddha
– Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize
– Plug in the cat
– Turn on everything
– Drop pebbles down the chimney
– Turn off your neighbor
– Kill a plant
– Buy a 1931 Almanac
– Memorize the weather section
– Think lewd thoughts about yourself
– Blow bubbles
– Send chills down your spine
– Peel grapes
– Make paper from the skins
– Bloat
– Catch them with your radiator
– Get run over by a train of thought
– Make up famous sayings
– Bite your pinkie- Get your dog braces
– Shave a shrub
– Have a proton fight
– Watch a car rust
– Quiver
– Rotate your carpet
– Learn to type…with your toes
– Set up your Christmas tree in April
– Be someone special
– Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
– Mail it to a friend
– Go back to square one
– Factor your social security number
– Take the fifth
– Memorize a series of random numbers
– Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages
– Join the Foreign Legion
– Learn Sanskrit
– Exist…existentially, of course
– Print counterfeit Confederate money
– Kick a cabbage
– Take a picture
– Put it back
– Sandpaper a mushroom
– Play solitaire…for cash
– Abuse your patio furniture
– Run for Pope
– Count to a million…fast
– Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
– Commit seppuku…with a paper knife
– Revert
– Think shallow thoughts
– Starch your shoes
– Polish your Calvin’s
– Contemplate a cockroach
– Get a dog to chase your car
– Let him catch it
– Investigate the Czar
– Form a political party
– Climb a sidewalk
– Have a political party
– Get diagonal…with a good friend
– Ride a loaf of bread
– Sharpen a carrot
– Interrogate a gerbil
– Go bow hunting for Toyotas
– Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
– Jump back
– Play to lose
– Scalp a street light
– Have your car painted…plaid
– Read a tomato
– Sharpen your sleeping skills
– Watch a game show…take notes
– Put out a fire
– If you can’t find a fire, make one
– Interview a cloud
– Play tiddlywinks…go for blood
– Play basketball…in a minefield
– Don’t talk to things
– Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling
– Have your cat bronzed
– Have your gerbil gilded
– Write books about writing books
– Create random equations
– Mispell words
– Tell your feet a joke
– Throw a tomato into a fan
– Sing the ABC song backwards
– Pretend you’re a dog
– Dial-a-prayer and argue with it
– Grease the doorknobs
– String up a room
– Stack furniture
– Relive fond memories
– Tie your shoelaces together
– Gargle
– Count your teeth with your tongue
– Decay
– Find your half-life
– Design a better toilet seat
– Shred a newspaper
– Have a headache
– Scratch
– Sniff
– Hatch an egg
– Play air guitar
– Act profound
– Spill
– Spell
– Stare
– Truncate
– Slouch
– Develop hearing problems
– Put your feet behind your head
– Tie bows in everything
– Hold your hand
– Watch the minute hand move
– Grow your fingernails
– Pretend you’re a telephone
– Ring
– Radiate
– Skip
– Play hopscotch…with real scotch
– Clock the velocity of your REMs
– Put your shoes on the opposite feet
– Cross your toes
– Roll your tongue
– Crystallize
– Baby oil the floor
– Hide
– Attack innocent bunnies
– Declare war
– Destroy a tree
– Hide the scrabble bag
– Seduce your stick shift
– Wink
– Memorize the periodic table
– Mummify
– Pretend you’re a roadie
– Buy a Ginsu knife
– Collect electrons
– Correct typos that aren’t there
– Polish your neck…use Pledge
– Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God
– Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car
– Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
– Count the bags under Walter Mondale’s eyes
– Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange the furniture
– Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending
– Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk")
– Dress like Motley Crue…surprise your grandmother
– Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they’re wrong
– Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
– Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire
– Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn’t one before
– Walk on water…but don’t get caught
– Confess to a crime…that didn’t happen
– Be in the wrong place at the right time
– Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
– Request covert assistance from the CIA
– Discover the source of the Mississippi
– Search for buried treasure…in Nebraska
– Hot wax the bottom of your brother’s dress shoes
– Preach the philosophy of Marx…Groucho, that is
– Drink as much prune juice as you can
– Write a book about your previous life
– Serve ping-pong balls…as hors d’oeuvres
– Jump up and down…on your alarm clock
– Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
– Sterilize your stereo…with Jack Daniels
– Carve you and your girlfriend’s initials…in a marshmallow
– Drive the speed limit…in your garage
– Sing the national anthem…during your calculus final
– Wear a three-piece suit…in a sauna
– Pay off the national debt…with a bad check
– Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people
– Give yourself a hernia…for Christmas
– Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
– Recite romantic poetry…to your toaster
– See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
– Go to McDonald’s and pretend you can’t speak English
– Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good
– job they’re doing…On April 1st
– Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor
– Take apart all your major kitchen appliances…mix and match them
– Turn your TV picture tube upside down
– Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy
– Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets
– Carry a tune…drop it, see if it breaks
– Be planar…but don’t tell your parents
– Play hockey with your little cousin…as the puck
– Make a deal with the devil…but keep your fingers crossed
– Put instant concrete in your big brother’s waterbed
– Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese
– Debate politics with a fern
– See how small you can scrunch your face- Sell firewood door to door…in Atlantis
– Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization)
– Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation
– Raise professional certified racing turnips
– Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation
– Lead an aerobics class…for patients of the I.C.U.
– Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
– Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
– Send President Reagan an alarm clock…wind it up first
– Found a cockroach stable and stud ranch
– Send your goldfish to obedience school
– Free the oppressed toasters of America
– Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing
– Give your cat a suntan…in the microwave
– Park your car…with a friend
– Park your car…with a group of friends
– Frame your first statement of bankruptcy
– Place it on the wall of your office
– Solve the population problem (x^2 + y^2 = population…solve for x)
– Contribute to the population problem
– Wear a T-shirt that says "I’ll walk on you to see The Who" and a peace sign
– Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
– Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife
– Get Ronco and K-tel to merge…they sell the same stuff anyway
– Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night
– Play with anything that looks interesting
– Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first
– See if your goldfish can live in Coors rather than water
– Try to ignite water…the Mississippi might work
– Draw Venn diagrams…screw them up
– State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow on bushes")
– Visit the Architecture building…loudly criticize its design
– Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
– Wallpaper your laundry room…with pages from books you don’t like
– See if diamonds really do cut glass…on everything in your neighbor’s house
– Tenderize your tongue…chew on it for a while
– See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light…try green
– Bronze your sister’s turtle
– See how long it takes for her to notice
– See what she does when she notices
– Bronze your sister- If you lose, stop watering it and try again.
– Increase your territorial holdings by force
– Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat
– Boldly go where no man has gone before
– Be a threat to the American way of life
– Do research into the cause of World War III
– Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan way of life
– Re-establish the Roman Empire…in Pittsburgh