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help dealing with depression?

To start off, I am an 18 year old male, I have a very supportive family and a girlfriend who loves me. For the last 3 years of my life, I have been depressed, going through many ups and downs. I never feel happy anymore or feel like smiling. I am always so bored, tired, and stuck inside my own head. I always have so many negative thoughts running through my head, which just makes me more depressed. My depression started when I was sent off to a tennis academy in my 10th grade year. I was home schooled from 7th grade to 10th grade because of tennis competitions and training. After spending a year at the tennis academy, I was burnt out from tennis. I had spent practically my entire child hood playing tennis 24/7 (practice all week and tournaments on the weekends). I then went back to live at home and attend my local high school. Through school I met a few friends that got me into drinking and drugs and from the first time I got drunk, high, and the first time I had a cigarette I was hooked immediately. My 11th grade year consisted of getting hammered almost every weekend and even on school nights and smoking weed almost everyday. I just loved the feeling of not feeling if you understand. I basically went from being top 100 in the nation in my age group for tennis to barely playing. The same thing continued through my senior year, just smoking more and getting messed up, ditching school, not doing homework etc. I have been in three long-term relationships that have really messed with my emotions and make it really hard for me to open up to anyone. I was cheated on once and the other one was a spoiled private school brat who messed with my emotions. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 9 months now and I am leaving for college in 2 weeks causing me to feel stressed about how things are going to work out with her. I don’t know what to do because we are so close with each other. I know for a fact that things aren’t going to work out while I’m at college considering I live in California and I am going to Drexel University in Pennsylvania. Each day I live I feel like it’s the same old thing. I feel worthless and depressed about what I did to myself. My parents spent hundrends of thousands of dollars on tennis for me and I messed it all up. Luckily enough I got a scholarship for tennis to Drexel just because of my playing record. I am very nervous about college and how I will fit in. I feel that I am a very bland person with no personality. I never seem to be interesting to anybody. I always have bad thoughts that pop into my head, whether it be death or point of life. I’ve had thoughts about suicide but I could never do it. I am at a point in my life where I don’t know where to go or what path to take. I used to have a lot of friends and hobbies now I only have friends who smoke and drink all the time and wouldn’t be my friend if I didn’t. I wish there was something that coiuld just resolve what I am feeling and make me feel happy again. I know I kind of rambled a lot but if anybody has any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it.
i have taken anti depressants and i have add and i used to take meds for it. I had a psychologist but didnt seem to help. I never have any energy as well.

Hi from France

Go see a Psychoanalyst ( not a simple psychologist, nor a psychiatrist), by letting to talk you like you want to, he / her will help you to find WHY you have this depression. Then it could be treated.
Don’t think Psychoanalysts are expensive, most adapt their prices in accordance with the income of people.

Have a great day,


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