First let me say that Ive created this account in case someone out there has an idea I havent thought of. Its humbling to put my story out there, but I need help, so Im asking. The short version is as follows: Im 30 years old, well educated, and a very sweet woman. I lost both of my parents before I was 18 and they were really my only family to speak of. I lived alone, independently for many years until I met my husband, who was a good man, in the beginning. I wouldnt mention this if it was pertinent to the story but he is foreign, it doesnt matter from where, but his nationality has a strong history of treating women poorly. I didnt know a lot about it before I married him and certainly didnt think he would ever treat me badly. I married him 5 years ago and welcomed a baby into the world just over a year ago. Since Ive been married things have gotten worse and worse. He only speaks in his native tongue when his family is over, no one speaks to me at all, all phone calls are private. They make my daughter participate in their cultural traditions(ie: cutting her hair and feeding her food items not approved for infants) against my objection. When I say anything, Im yelled at, pushed out of the way, ignored for days on end, not invited to holidays. Ive been thrown to the ground, pushed and slapped across the face once (breaking my glasses), but never full on hit. Most of my abuse has been verbal – threats, general mistreatment, name calling, yelling, slamming doors, etc. The largest problem is, I feel stuck in a situation I cannot escape from. I lost my job 2 years ago and then suffered a difficult pregnancy (no doubt due to the stress). I began seeking employment after my daughter was 3 months old, but to no avail. I used to hold a high level professional position (I have a college degree), however, in this economy (Michigan)…no one is calling me back. My husbands bad decisions created a situation where we had to file for bankruptcy together (recently), so now I no longer have credit available to me, combined with the failure to find work opportunities, and I have no where to go. If my parents were alive they would certainly help me escape this situation. But I have no one. Regardless, I MUST figure something out for me and my daughter. I need the following (as far as I can tell): a job, a place to live that I can afford, child care (right now shes always with me or my husbands mother), a court order granting me primary custody of our daughter (Id be scared to death to let him take her even on weekends, but Im sure I cannot prevent it). I dont know how to get any of these things without a job. Id divorce him tomorrow if I could (can I hire a lawyer with his money b/c we have a joint bank accnt? what can I do for safety after he finds out I filed? Where would I live? Do I get custody until its all figured out?). He constantly threatens that without a job no judge will grant me any kind of custody of a child because I have nothing to offer her (which I dont, but with me shes safe!) He has had his criminal record wiped clean (all "I know a guy who took care of me" kinda thing) except a drunk driving charge; everyone knows how he is, but no one would dare say anything. Hes a bad man. This situation is getting worse every day. Iam terrified more every day as my daughter gains recognition of daily life, that she will see our life and think this is an acceptable way to be treated. Ive lost my ability to teach her well and offer her a childhood free of stress, yelling and tears. Im in an awful, and as far as I can tell inescapable, situation. Does anyone out there have any real ideas for me? Something has to change and soon…Im was a good person but Im breaking, even my health has suffered terribly. Im nearing 100lbs, Im 5’6", I cant eat b/c Im so nervous all the time. Every day once he goes to work my beautiful daughter and I laugh and play, and as the clock creeps to when he’ll come home I feel my stomach tighten and my nerves are so bad my hands start to shake. I dont have anyone I can tell, everyone I know is a family member or friend of his and they wouldnt think anything of it. This is just how people live in their culture. Plus, Im scared of him, and my home is laced with weapons (not where my girl could reach). My spirit is so broken at this point that I wouldn’t even care if he killed me, but my daughter needs me, Im all she has. She has NO IDEA what an insane life Ive brought her into, and if I can help it, shell never have to know to its full extent. And if I could get away, I could get my life back. I dont deserve this, I have the biggest heart and Ive been taking care of others all my life, but I cant even take care of my own child. What can I do, anyone? Plz do not say call the police . Understand what Ive written, I cant do something radical, and I wont do anything to jeopardize being with my baby, or place us in danger. I need a plan and one I can actua
You could easily get up early tomorrow a.m. & go to your local Family Court. They WILL take care of you by telling you what to do etc. If needs be, there also is a Judge who presides over this court all day every day. This is rite where I’d head as early as I could to make sure you get taken care of tomorrow. I have resorted to using my own local Family Court due to domestic violence so I KNOW they do care, they WILL help you the best they can. You can trust them to take your well being in total concern. I KNOW that’s what I’d do & feel it’s the best for you too….I SO wish you the best, honey. Things will work out for the best for you & the baby. Give them a chance to help you. BTW, I would take a bit of money out of your joint act. Don’t take too much, but DO take some just in case!..:)
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